Note to "self" (EQ matters)

I haven't posted on my blog in a while. I've been busy "managing myself" in the midst of a pandemic. I haven't wanted to repeat or rehash what a lot of self-help and self-care type observers have been putting out there. I've thought a lot of it, and then seen that someone else had written about it, and went about my busy-ness. I've been very busy (productive work and play) during all of this, thankfully.


What I did want to revisit today, though, is the basic self-management list for Emotional Intelligence made popular by Daniel Goleman. Here's a quick run-down, as a reminder/refresher or, in case you have never seen the list before and are curious...and my life-coachy suggestion at the end of the article for how to use this:

Emotional Intelligence competencies

“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.”

~Dr. Daniel Goleman, psychologist and author

Intrapersonal (self perception)

1. Self-regard – the ability to accept yourself for who you are, warts and all

2. Self-actualization – the willingness to persistently try to improve oneself and engage in the pursuit of personally relevant and meaningful objectives that lead to a rich and enjoyable life.

3. Emotional self-awareness - recognizing and understanding one’s own emotions. This includes the ability to differentiate between subtleties in one’s own emotions while understanding the cause of these emotions and the impact they have on the thoughts and actions of oneself and others.

Self expression

4. Emotional expression – Openly and effectively expressing one’s feelings verbally and non-verbally.

5. Assertiveness – the ability to say what you need to say, in a non-offensive way, what and when you need toor, put another waycommunicating feelings, beliefs and thoughts openly, and defending personal rights and values in a socially acceptable, non-offensive and non-destructive manner.

6. Independence - The ability to be self directed and free from emotional dependency on others. This includes being able to be autonomous in decision making, planning and completing tasks.

Interpersonal (relationships with others)

7. Interpersonal relationships - the skill of developing and maintaining mutually satisfying relationships that are characterized by trust and compassion.

8. Social responsibility – willingly contributing to society, to one’s social groups, and generally to the welfare of others. Social Responsibility involves acting responsibly, having social consciousness, and showing concern for the greater community.

9. Empathy – recognizing, understanding, and appreciating how other people feel. Empathy involves being able to articulate your understanding of another’s perspective and behaving in a way that respects others’ feelings.

Decision Making

10. Problem solving - the ability to find solutions to problems in emotions are involved. Problem solving includes the ability to understand how emotions impact decision making.

11. Reality testing - the capacity to remain objective by seeing things as they really are. This capacity involves recognizing when emotions or personal bias can cause one to be less objective.

12. Impulse control - the ability to resist or delay an impulse, drive or temptation to act. It also involves avoiding rash behaviors and decision making.

Stress Management

13. Flexibility - adapting emotions, thoughts and behaviors to unfamiliar, unpredictable and dynamic circumstances or ideas.

14. Stress tolerance - coping with stressful or difficult situations and believing that one can manage or influence situations in a positive manner.

15. Optimism - an indicator of one’s positive attitude and outlook on life. It involves remaining hopeful and resilient, despite occasional setbacks.

KB notes:

GOALS – to be able to…

Perceive, express and manage your own emotions

Be aware of others feelings and help establish strong relationships

Use the information provided by your emotions to act appropriately in the face of daily challenges.

The more you understand your emotions, as well as others, the better your personal and professional life will be.